Team 2000 Meet the Staff

Directeur Sportif | Co-Directeur Sportif

General Manager | Assistant Directeur Sportif | Press Officer

Mechanic | Soigneur | Webmaster

Sean Yates (Directeur Sportif): The Boss remains a legend in his own lifetime. Every rider lives with a deep seated fear of hearing Sean speak those fateful words: "I'll come out for a spin with you tomorrow." Still heard to criticise wheels for being "a bit flexy when you get out of the saddle uphill in the 12 sprocket." Ugly varicose veins approaching epidemic proportions, and will surely induce eventual halt of life-long leg shaving. Moments of brilliant perception and comedy intersperse general illiteracy. Puts his weirder traits down to experimental schooling.

Keith Lambert (Co-Directeur Sportif): The pro's pro for many years, Keith's later leadership of the UK's top teams Banana and Brite brought him the reputation of cycling's Alex Ferguson. Less of a red faced moany old git though. Lives in a huge mansion in Yorkshire, an estate built up over a lifetime of grafting and thrift. "Lego Lambert" has left many a poor suffering individual out the back of the bunch feel the lash of his un-reconstructed tongue should they delay the passage of his team car. Cares deeply about the welfare of his riders and threatened to wreck a posh hotel when they refused to provide decent vegetarian fare.

Julian Clark (General Manager): Known as Le Patron, the man behind the team's inception is now the General Manager and no longer a climber with all the style of Fernando Escartin. A late starter in the sport after a brilliant international motocross career, he still insists on living life at breakneck speed. Father of two amazingly different children: Oliver is slim and a four-year old cycling historian, Ben is The Little Buddha. Insists on using his useless French when drunk. Very keen on embracing the South of France lifestyle. Email

Chris Lillywhite (Assistant Directeur Sportif): Keith Lambert's successor as Britain's most reliable pro, is now following his old mentor into management. Well known as a man who calls a spade a ****ing shovel, he carries the nickname of Cel due to an obscure Chelsea anthem. Fears living abroad will force him to abandon his Matthew Harding Stand season ticket. When told that Max Sciandri rated the new Principia as "the best bike I have ever ridden," he replied "What's the matter with the bloke? A bike's a bike, innit?"

John Deering (Press Officer): By far the best looking and talented member of the staff, this suave and stylish West Londoner leaves men and women alike staring after him with admiring expressions. A brilliant musician, cultured footballer and stunning cyclist, his task is to vet all potential staff for "Chelsea-ness." Gooner Yates somehow slipped through the net. Dismisses embarrassment of having measurements that are twice the size of everybody else on the Clothing Sizes List with claims that "It's all muscle, it's just not tensed up at the moment." Calf size and shape inspires awe and fear in Spencer Smith. Email or Read his Diary

Craig Geater (Mechanic): Quiet midget from New Zealand, who says little. However, when pressed, is possibly the worst name-dropper in the world. Personal friend of everybody in cycling, including Magnus Backstedt, Stuart O'Grady, Julian Dean and Fausto Coppi. Penchant for disastrous hair styles. Very reliable with a spanner, which is a relief when you take into account the general insanity of most wheel changers. When riding, claims to "Go better the worse the conditions are." This must explain his abject uselessness when he has been out with the team, as the sun was shining.

Eddie Wegelius (Soigneur): Brother of golden child Charly who graces Mapei's line up this year. Blessed with peaches and cream complexion and Finnish blond hair. Token Northerner, added to the squad to demonstrate that there is civilisation beyond Watford. Family in the Old Country live next door to Santa Claus, which can be handy sometimes, eg., always temporary work available in December. What was once imagined to be a constant happy smile is now rumoured to be a grimace induced by low quality of Matt Stephens' jokes.

Stuart Howell (Webmaster): Bedridden anorak only too happy to marry his vast cycling knowledge and boundless techi-ness by running the website. Hopes of spending the Millennium on the top of the London Eye watching the much-touted wall of fire dashed when the big wheel failed it's safety test. Unused mountain bike in his bedroom. Ecstatic at becoming an uncle before Christmas, and planning a trip to Brisbane to meet little "Amy-chops." Email